


And They Ended Up Doing A Victory Dance, Anyways

by Nihiley_Face



Series: Personal Favourites [1]
Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Crazy Ex Girlfriend, Drinking, Half-Assed Cartwheels, Happy Talenvimes Day, Here's my Obligatory Valentimes Day Fic, M/M, Other, Pining, Shameless Baiting, T.P., This whole thing is a total shitpost, Toilet-Papering Houses, barfights, enjoy, somebody help them, they're drunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 16:22:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13685331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nihiley_Face/pseuds/Nihiley_Face
Summary: Tom and Tord get shamelessly drunk on Valentine's day, and lot's of things happen.





	And They Ended Up Doing A Victory Dance, Anyways

Edd walked into the police station, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Oh, come now, Edd," Matt tried. "What they did couldn't have been that bad, right?" "We should have never let them leave the house." Matt gave a weak, nervous laugh and agreed. "You're absolutely right. I wouldn't be surprised if they got wasted and married a couple of fucking dolphins, at this point." He sighed.

The duo walked over towards the holding cell where their friends were held, completely wasted.

With a deadpan, Edd said, "Alright. So tell me what the hell happened." Tom jumped up from his previous position on the floor, and stuttered. "U-uh, wh- well, it was, uh," He couldn't seem to form his words properly, and Edd, getting impatient, turned to Tord, who had to be the more sober of the two, please, God. "Tord." He said. Tord jumped and Tom drunkenly repeated his name for some reason. Tord stood up, stumbling a little bit, but made it to the bars separating him from his friend. "Tord, what happened?" Edd asked, exasperated. "W-well," He stuttered, his Norwegian accent stronger since he was drunk. "It's a long story, Edd," He sighed. Edd glared.

"Well, according to your charges over assault of a police officer, and destruction of property, I'd say we've got plenty of time."

Tord gulped.

"Alrighty, then."

It all started when the four of them sat at home, pretty bored.

None of them really did anything on Valentine's day, three of them being bitter and single, and the last one being too self-absorbed to care about such things.

Tom was in his room, getting wasted by himself, (because what else would he be doing, now?), Matt was on the couch displaying a little too much love for himself, Edd was in his room, drawing something or other, and Tord was actually trying to watch TV.

Tord sighed, trying his damn best to ignore the unspeakable things Matt was trying to do to his reflection, (on the couch for fucks sakes), and watch his show.

Finally, he'd decided he's had enough.

"Alright," He said, vexed. Matt ignored him, or was too in himself to hear him. Tord shuddered. "I'm going out."

Tord went up to his room to put on some appropriate attire for a lonely outing, when he heard something from Tom's room.

There was soft music playing, and drunken laughter, along with some occasional meowing. Frowning in curiousity, Tord took a peek through Tom's slightly ajar door to examine the situation.

Tom was listening to the Wii-Plaza music out loud, bottle of vodka in one hand, Ringo in the other. The cat didn't seem too displeased by the affection from the drunken man; she purred and snuggled up to him, even. She let out a bubbly meow and licked his face.

Satisfied that Tom wasn't doing anything obscene to that poor cat, Tord left the room. But, just as he did so, he got an idea.

Tom's usually a pretty entertaining person, maybe he'll go out Tord and they could do something interesting?

Tord pursed his lips, curious about the idea. Of course, if this happens, there's a high likelyhood that they'll get arrested, kill someone, (or each other), or die. Maybe all of the above. But at least it would be interesting, right? Tord sighed. He guessed the only way to not end up bored this Valentine's day was to hang out with an interesting, (although nearly intolerable), drunken bastard and figure out where to go from there.

Tord popped his head back into the room.

"Hey, Tom," Tom looked up, seemingly already a bit drunk. How unsurprising. "Wh-whaddaya want?" He asked rudely. Tord furrowed his brows. It was for the greater good. Or, at least, the death of his boredom. "Want to go out and get drunk?" "I'm already drunk." Tord sighed. "Yeah, but, like- Do you want to go out and get drunk with me?" Tom furrowed his brows, then grinned. "You know I don't swing that way, you dirty fucker!" Tord nearly choked on his saliva while Tom laughed. "N-no!" Tord yelled. "I mean- like, let's go out and do something interesting!" Tom laughed even harder. Even Ringo seemed to laugh at him, now, with her face tilted upwards in that feline amusement. "You know, since we're bored and single." Tord awkwardly added. Tom got up off the bed and patted him on the back. "Yeah, sure, maybe we'll get arrested and I can cross that off my bucket list." Tord frowned. "You've never been arrested?" He asked, instead of asking why that was on his bucket list. "Nah, I have," Tom slurred. "Just never on Valentine's day." Tord shrugged. That made more sense. "Alright. Are you going out like... That?" Tord gestured to his disheveled clothing with unidentifiable stains that Tord could only hope were from alcohol. "Eh, I've worn worse." He shrugged. Tord made a look of confusion, but didn't argue. "Alright," He said.

"I'll be right back, I'm going to put some other clothes on." Tom called after him as he turned his back. "What, you're gonna wear some fancy-ass shit to go bar-hopping?" Tord rolled his eyes. "Better than looking homeless!" He called back. Tom laughed. He heard him say much more quietly, "Eh, I guess you're right."

Tord walked into his room, looking for something nice to wear. Maybe it will get him laid, huh? He dug through his closet and found a surprisingly nice-looking white button-up and some black pants. He could not, however, find the nice shoes he knew he owned, and just went with his usual sneakers. He couldn't find a tie, but he decided that was too formal anyways. He grabbed a pair of sunglasses, (not because he needed them, though, only because he hoped they would make him look cooler). He looked at himself in the mirror and decided that he didn't look half bad. The pants were a bit too tight, however. He looked at his ass in the mirror, hoping that these pants didn't make him look too fat. He frowned, then shrugged it off. They were the only nice pants he had.

He stepped out of his room to find Tom standing in front of his door, Ringo at his feet. What was with her obsession with Tom being drunk?

"You're going out like... That?" Tom asked, giving a judging look. Tord rolled his eyes. "Shut up, Tom. Chicks dig the lonely, hot guy at a bar." Tom furrowed his brows as if to say, 'are you sure?', and Tord grabbed him by the nose, scoffing. "Just you wait." He said, grinning. Tom laughed. "Yeah, whatever you say, ladies' man." Tom said in mock defeat. The pair headed out, trying their best to ignore Matt on the sofa. Tom opened the door for the both of them with a snarky comment about Tord's attire, which was replied to another remark about Tom's. The two laughed as they made their way to Tord's admittedly very nice car.

"Can I drive?" Tom asked. Tord scoffed. "No." Tom laughed. "Worth a shot." Tom said, sipping from the bottle of vodka that Tord had been previously unaware of. "Yo, leave it." He said. Tom pouted. "Awe, come on! All the shit at bars is watered down and-" Tord gave him a warning look. "You have a flask. You do not need a fucking bottle of vodka with you." Tord took the bottle and tossed it into the back seat. He cringed when he heard it spilling out. Tom grinned. "That thing didn't have a lid on it, did it?" He asked. Tom only grinned wider and began to snicker. "Nope." He replied. Tord gripped the wheel of the car tightly, and let out a loud, exasperated sigh, whilst Tom burst out laughing. Tord shook his head and started the car, pulling out of the driveway.

The drive was filled with Tom's urges to Tord to drive even faster, but Tord refused, as he was sober and had some common fucking sense.

Once they reached their first stop, a popular new bar called Talking Sammy. Neither of the two really got what the name was about, but it was really nice inside, playing some smooth jazz in the background. Tom played air-bass along with the music as he heard it, and Tord laughed. They had a few drinks there, but it was overall a little bit too 'chill' for Tom's taste, and not really the hook-up kind of bar Tord was looking for. More like a place to come to after work and have a few drinks before coming home.  
  
They left soon after, and went onto their next stop. This bar was called Space, decorated on the inside with galaxy themes and the like. Tord didn't really get the joke at first, until Tom explained to him that it was a Space Bar. Tord softly exhaled through his nose as he understood. The music played there was electronic, to go with the future-space theme. However, Tord, again, had no luck there after about an hour. Tord checked his watch, and at the same time, Tom checked his phone for the time. It was about four-thirty, now.

Tom suddenly jumped up. "Oh, I have the perfect bar in mind." Tord made a face. Usually, when Tom had the perfect anything in mind, it ended up being super weird or disastrous and or had the potential to kill anyone and everyone involved. Nevertheless, Tord was interested. "What?" He asked, slightly afraid. Tom looked over to him and leaned in a little too close for comfort. "How do you feel about pirates?" Tord frowned. He had a feeling that he was in way over his head here.

And aproximately fifteen minutes later, they arrive at, not a bar, Tom scolded Tord, it was a tavern. The Sea Devil Tavern, to be specific. It was this insane, pirate themed bar with live music, drinks, and they even had food, there, too. There was a band that played sea chanteys loud and proud, of all kinds, too. Tom was even quite well acquainted with the 'captain' of the bar, the owner and lead singer, who just went by Captain. It was loud and rowdy, not usually Tom's kind of bar, but he seemed to really enjoy what was going on inside, so Tord decided why not, and gave it a shot.

"I used to come here all the fuckin' time a while back," He scoffed. "Back when I was dating that cunt." He seemed a little hurt by whomever he previously dated here. "Who?" Tord asked. Tom groaned. "Ugh, she was just this evil bitch, Amber was her name." Tom put a nasty scowl on his face when he mentioned her name. "I don't usually call women names like this, but she was a fucking skank." Tord was suddenly mildly interested about this 'Amber' who Tom seemed to hate so much. "On a scale from one to me, how much do you hate her?" Tom rolled his eyes, and a nasty smile flicked onto his lips for a split second. "Oh, damn," He said. "It skyrockets way past you." He said, raising his brows and closing his eyes. "Oh?" Tord said, curious. "What did she do? Cheat on you?" Tom shook his head. "Nope." Tom said, taking a drink from the whiskey he ordered. Tord leaned in. "She cheated on her boyfriend with me, lied about it, and then tried to kill me when her boyfriend and I ganged up on her to call her out on her shit." Tord raised his brows. "You and her boyfriend ganged up on her?" Tom nodded and hummed. "Bitch was fucking crazy. We both dumped her in a split second, then I told her I slept with James, the guy she cheated on with me." He smirked. "That one got her damn good." Tord laughed, but then leaned in, curious. "Did you, though?" He asked, wide-eyed. "Did I what?" "Sleep with him!" Tord urged. Tom only smirked in reply. Tord suddenly got a clue as to what that meant. "Oh my God," He laughed. Tom's smirk only widened. "Oh my God!" Tord laughed harder and Tom's smirk turned into a devious grin. "Oh, damn, you did!" Tord outright howled in laughter, as Tom began to laugh along with him. Tord then excused himself to use the bathroom.

Suddenly, Tom was tapped on the shoulder. He whipped his head around and glared sharply. A short young woman with red hair wearing a short, tight, black dress. Tom narrowed his eyes. Tord sputtered. "Amber," He scowled. Amber smirked back at him, grabbing the arm of some poor bastard and holding him close. This guy was tall, taller than either Tom or Tord. Tall and muscular, too. He could utterly wreck the both of them in seconds. Tord arrived back from the lab and his sunglasses fell off of his face when he saw the tall, attractive dark-haired man.

"This is my new boyfriend, Tom." Amber said, smiling deviously. "His name is Jason." Tord then understood exactly what was going on between the two of them. He immediately returned to the restroom and came back with a nice little tool that could be used for later. Tom made a face that showed his disbelief. "No way, he's way out of your league!" Tom laughed. Jason scowled down at Tom, who was a little bit to drunk to care. "What did you say, you fucking twink?" Tom stopped laughing when he heard Jason's voice. Tom gulped. He'd never been referred to as a 'twink' before in his life. And coming from such a tall, attractive man, it nearly killed him. He kind of wanted Jason to kill him, though, he was hot. Tom would never in his life be more glad to have Amber step in. "Jay, don't fight him." She laughed. "He's a tiny fuck, you'd put him in the hospital!" Tom scowled at her while Jason put him down. "Besides, I've got this one." She raised her brows and stepped in front of her boyfriend.

"You're one to talk about 'out of your league'," She scoffed, gesturing to Tord. Tord gently spit his drink back into his glass. "What." He said, utterly baffled that Amber would suggest he was dating Tom fucking Rosewood, of all people. Tom, however, took matters into his own hands. "What? This?" Tom gestured to Tord as well. "Oh, come on, honey," Tom said, putting on this gay-ass act. "He's way better than Jason Dean, over here." He scoffed. Amber glared. "Oh, really?" Tom looked at her with the kind of confidence that only a drunk man can have. "Damn straight." He said. Amber made a face. "You're gay." Tom made a face back. "Bisexual?" He said, more as a question than an answer. "No- you said-" Amber stuttered. Tom cocked his head to the side, confused. "You were like, 'damn straight', but you're gay-?"

Well, now everyone was more confused about what this conversation was about than Tom seemed to be with his sexuality.

Amber shook her head to clear her thoughts. "Anyways," She said, changing the subject smoothly. "Jason over here is way better than your boyfriend." She said, grabbing onto his arm tighter. "I bet this guy over here doesn't even like you. He's probably cheating on you eight ways to Sunday, by now." Tord made a face, suddenly invested. "Uh, hey," He said, a bit offended that he was accused of infidelity towards his not-boyfriend, but Tom stepped in. "I think the fuck not!" He snapped at her. Tord tried to put a stop to this before it got nasty. "Tom, uh-" He was cut off by Tom snapping back at Amber. "I bet you've already given Jason all of your thirty-seven different STDs you got from sleeping with those man-whores." He glared. "Didn't you sleep with one of those so called 'man-whores'?" Tom was taken aback by that question. Why, yes, yes he did. "Well, damn if I wasn't lucky, huh?" Tord again tried to step in. It was clear that even Jason was getting a little bit nervous of the situation.

"Amber, I think we should go-" Amber proceeded to punch Tom in the stomach. The two other men were taken aback by her sudden reaction, but Tom was fucking ready. He growled through he vomit he was trying to keep down, and he immediately went after Amber. "Why you little skank!" He went after her and punched her in that face full of cheap, caked on make-up, and she screamed, immediately drawing attention. She hissed in pain and went after Tom, tackling him to the ground.

She punched him over and over, until his face was bruised and bloody, taking advantage of his drunken state to beat the shit out of him. Finally, however, Tom managed to muster up the strength to push her off and stand up. She went after him one more time, slamming his head into the bar. At this point, someone called the cops, and they were on their way. Jason grabbed Amber, and had to pull her off, while Tord grabbed Tom and made sure Amber didn't do any permanent damage to him. Tom shook his head, wiping his nose of blood, but it only bled more. He then grabbed Tord's hand and ran off, laughing.

"Dude!" Tom yelled as soon as they were a safe distance from the bar. "Dude, did you see that?" He wheezed out, chortling. Tord laughed along with him. "Yeah, I watched you get into a cat-fight and then she beat you up." Tom fell on the ground, wheezing and laughing hard. He nodded. "Yeah, right?" He caught his breath after a while of painfully wheezing and trying not to laugh.

They'd managed to land themselves near the city park. Tord checked the time, and in that moment, Tom checked his phone, too. It was about six o'clock. The two of them could see the sunset from the tree they lay under. Tom let out a few more laughs. "Wow, she's a bitch." Tord said. Tom agreed. "I told you," He said. "She could fuckin' kill me." He raised his brows. Tord scoffed. "A damn Pomeranian could kill you, you skinny fuck." Tom laughed. "You're totally right, I'm weak as fuck." He laughed. "That was fun, though." He said, smiling. "I'm still not drunk." Tord said. Tom looked at him drunkenly. "Nah, you totally are." Tom laughed. "You'd have to be drunk to enjoy spending time with me." Tord laughed. "When did I ever say that I enjoyed spending time with you?" He replied. All of a sudden, they seemed a bit too close. "Oh?" Tom said. "Is that to say you," He gasped dramatically. "Love spending time with me?" He laughed. Tord sputtered in drunken laughter and he hummed. "Hm, maybe," He smiled dozily and Tom snorted. "Awe, I knew it," He said. "You love me!" He drew out the 'love' in that silly, childish manner. Tord laughed and punched Tom in the shoulder. "Oh, shut up." He said, getting closer.

"I mean," He said, pursing his lips. "What kind of 'boyfriend' would I be if I didn't like spending time with you?" Tom sputtered and snorted, rolling onto his side to face Tord. "I don't know, a pretty shitty one, huh?" Tord turned his head to look at Tom. "Yeah, I second that." He said, his voice getting a little quieter. Tom looked at him a little bit too dreamily, his dopey smile slowly fading, bit by bit as his lids got a little heavier. Tord's eyelids soon began to close as he got closer to Tom. Though, the thought of kissing Tom gave his stomach knots, and he was so nervous. What would they do if they kissed? Kiss more? Why are elephant's legs too small to jump? Would Tom hate him?

So, naturally, Tord did the only logical thing.

He pulled out that surprise tool that he'd use to help him for later.

He gripped the roll of toilet paper in his hands and suddenly shoved it between him and Tom awkwardly. Taken aback, Tom jumped. "The fuck?" He asked. He looked at the shitty bar-bathroom toilet paper blocking him from his destination. "What's this?" He asked, taking it. "Toilet paper." Tom made a face. "Why, exactly?" "Remember that bitch, Amber?" He asked, grinning. Tom had a feeling he knew what Tord wanted to do. "Yes." He said, without even having to know the question. Tord immediately stood up, but alas, it was too fast, and he leaned over the tree he was next to so he could vomit. Tom laughed. "Bitch can't take his alcohol." He poked fun at Tord. However, he, too, stood up too quickly for his body to take, and he leaned on the opposite side of the tree to vomit as well. Tord laughed. "Who was it who can't take his alcohol, now?" Tom laughed. "Shut up," He said, snorting. The two walked away from the tree, using the surprisingly large roll of toilet paper to wipe their mouths as they walked.

"Where does she live?" Tord asked. "Oh, in a house." Tom said, not completing the sentence. "Oh, well that makes sense." Tord said. "Where is the house?" He asked his followup question. Tom shrugged. "Uh, follow me." Tom began to drunkenly walk in a direction, leaning on Tord occasionally.

"Dude," Tord said. "You're so drunk." Tom laughed and pushed him gently. "Nah, you're drunk." Tord laughed in response. "We're both drunk." Tom said. Tord looked shocked. "Really? Damn, you're right." He looked at his hands. Tom's eyes widened. "Dude," He said. "This is it." He pointed to the house. "What is it?" Tord asked. Tom said, "This is Amber's house." Tord grabbed the toilet paper and began to rip pieces off of the roll, drunkenly throwing them at the house.

"Take that!" He yelled. "And that!" Tom grabbed his hands. "No, no, you're supposed to do it like this," Tom grabbed the toilet paper roll and began to rip pieces off, bunching them up like snow-balls. He then threw them at the house with the accuracy of a drunk toddler. "That way, it hits your target." He said. His toilet-paper-balls were certainly going much farther than Tord's random sheets. Tord looked at Tom like he was God. "Dude, you're a genius." He said, grabbing the toilet paper roll and throwing paper-balls at the house. "Bitch!" Tord yelled.

Suddenly, Jason stepped out from the house, looking mildly amused. Amber stepped out from behind him, looking mildly infuriated. "Tom!" She yelled. "What the fuck are you doing?" Tom just took the roll of toilet paper, now only half it's previous size, and threw it at Amber's head. For once, it actually hit it's mark. Amber was knocked to the ground for a few seconds while Jason called someone, surely the police. When Tom and Tord realized that their hands were empty, they figured out that they no longer had any more weapons to defend themselves.

They bolted.

The two of them were laughing hard as they ran, out of breath half the time, but they kept running. They ran until they were back in town, just outside of a gas station.

Tom stumbled inside, Tord in tow.

Tom walked up to the cashier, trying to look as sober as possible. "Hello, my goossir," Tom slurred. The cashier pinched the bridge of his nose, looking tired. The clock read seven fourty-five. "Sir, you are drunk. Go home." Tom spat back at him. "Nonsense!" He laughed. Tord laughed along with him. "The both of you are drunk, please, leave me alone." Tom laughed. "We're not drunk! Nothing's ever been more not-drunk than we are." Tord added, "I'm are assober as the day I was born!" He leaned on the counter, giving the cashier a drunkenly flirtatious look. Tom laughed and pulled him back. "Yo, give 'em some personal space, man." He said, laughing. Tord leaned into Tom. "And what do you know about personal space?" He asked, leaning in a little bit. Tom laughed and leaned into his chest, snorting. "More than you, apparently." He said.

At this point, the cashier grit his teeth. "Either go home and fuck or fuck off!" He yelled. Tom shrunk back a little, and Tord leapt forwards. "Now, issat anyway to treat a customer?" He asked. The cashier screamed and put his hands on his face. Tord and Tom laughed.

"God, I hate drunk people." Tom scoffed. "I'm not drunk." He stated confidently. The cashier leaned on the counter and put his hands over his eyes. "Not this again." He sighed, exasperated. "Hey, Tord," Tom said, tapping Tord's shoulder. "If I were drunk, would I be able to do... This!?" Tom then proceeded to do a very half assed cartwheel. Tord looked at Tom, astonished. "I'm not drunk, either!" He stated, and proceeded to do the same. Tom applauded him graciously.

"We're definitely sober!" Tom said, his hands on his hips. He still had blood on his face from earlier. Tord agreed. "Totally sober." He leaned on Tom, who laughed and withstood Tord's weight.

The cashier sighed. "Yes, you are drunk. Please, go home." Tord pursed his lips. "You want to see me do that perfect cartwheel again?" He asked. The cashier shook his head no. "Looks like a yes to me, Tord." Tom said, grinning. Tord beamed smartly and got down to it.

He cartwheeled twice over to the isles holding snacks. Tom applauded him generously while the cashier whined. "Please, don't knock over the-" "How about one more, for an encore!" Tom cheered. Tord provided. Tord did one more half-assed cartwheel a little too close to the snack isles.

In a split second, his airbound foot collided with a bag of chips, and knocked it over. The cashier sighed when nothing else seemed to get destroyed, but his relief was far too short-lived. His other foot collided with the edge of the shelf and it began to tip. Tom, not noticing this in his drunken state, cheered Tord on. In order to please his 'crowd', Tord had to land the cartwheel, so his foot getting stuck was Not An Option. He yanked his foot down, and the snack shelf with it.

The shelf landed on top of Tord, and he yelped in a very un-masculine manner as it did. Tom cringed when Tord made that sound, and tried to help him up. Out from under the thousands of bags of gas-station chips, Tord said, "Ow," And tried to get up. He managed to do so with Tom's help, however, the cashier managed to call the police before any more property got damaged.

While Tom was helping Tord up and dusting him off, the police arrived at the scene.

"You'll never take me alive!" Tom shouted, drunkenly punching at the police, while Tord tried to make polite conversation with them.

Eventually, one cop tazed him, and he fell to the ground. Tord outright sobbed when that happened. "You killed him!" He shouted, while the cops tried to show him that Tom was very much alive. Tord refused to believe the cops and continued to cry over Tom's unconscious body until he, too, was tazed.

Next thing they know, they've woken up in the dank, over-night holding cell of the police station.

Tord immediately hugged Tom, and was satisfied that he wasn't dead.

Edd tapped his foot on the ground, annoyed.

"And that's why we're-" Tom began, but he was cut off by Tord. "In jail." He sighed as he finished Tom's sentence. Edd pinched the bridge of his nose, confused and irritated. He looked over to Matt. "Do you think we should bail them out? I think they deserve it." He said, looking tired. It was ten o'clock at night, now, after all. Tord and Tom begged not to be stuck in jail for the night.

Suddenly, the police brought in another couple of victims.

A short woman in a tight black dress, and a tall, attractive man with dark hair. They were shoved into the holding cell, and both Tom and Tord cheered, much to the confusion of their friends and the couple. Both Tom and Tord danced because Amber and Jason were stuck in jail with them. Well, if they were going down, they'd bring down a couple of people with them, huh? They didn't even know why they were in jail with them, but to hell with it!

Tom laughed. "Hah! Take that, bitch!" He yelled, dancing. "You're stuck in jail with us!" Tord sang and did a victory dance with Tom. Edd and Matt both made faces. "What is going on...?" Matt asked. Edd made a confused face, shrugging nervously. "I don't know..." Tom and Tord both continued to dance, relishing in their victory.

Because if there was one thing to call a win from this night, it was getting your ex-girlfriend in jail with you. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this bullshit, follow my blog on Tumblr, where I post almost nothing but: @ daddy-issues-anon.tumblr.com


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